Bluebirds and Birch trees

 There's hope. There's always hope. Even when others tell you there's not. There's hope. There's hope my friend for new beginnings.  There's hope for new things. There's hope for beginnings. So don't give up my friend. There's always hope for new beginnings.  Whether it take you far or leave you near. There's always hope for your new beginning. Where will it take you, and what will you do. Even if you don't have the answer, God says, "I do."  Run to Him my friends, as I am learning to. Run into His loving arms. We'll find no better sanctuary.

 Be who you are and not who the world wants you to be.  Who would the world want me to be? A girl who's already got one foot out the door for college as soon as my high school diploma is in my hand. The girl that has so much debt already racked up before I'm 20 that I'll spend most of my beginning and middle adult life paying it off. The one who tried smoking just to say I did, or the one who disrespected my parents at every turn. Who would the world want me to be? They would want me to be a nobody. To not make any waves. Who would they want me to be, other than nobody significant.  But who am I? I'm the girl who's working on a plan for how I'm going to start my first job as soon as I graduate. Working on becoming self sufficient for the time that I know will come, which is to be on my own. The girl who got only a basic credit card to pay off, and not use until a real emergency arises. The girl who does her very best in order to stay healthy in a world that ...

 You know, I often don't give people around me the credit they deserve. I've been going to this church for about a year now I guess, and already they seem to know me more than those I spent longer time with in churches.  These people don't know about my bout with depression, anxiety, or hardly anything about my past troubles or what may cause me to be suddenly plunged into a period of grief.  Yet, they seem to always know when I need to smile. People are happy to see me, and that makes me feel important. They make sure to acknowledge me in a group of people, that makes me feel noticed. I am high-fived, or hugged more often than not by pretty much anyone who knows me, and that makes me feel special.  Thanks to an extremely important service today, I was able to finally see that the problems I have been having are not with me, but the people who rejected me.  I was rejected for three years and didn't really know it.  I changed so they would like me, but ...

 It is only by the grace of God that I am still standing here on this earth. It is only by the grace of God that I draw breath, and am whole. Everything I am, is by the Grace of God.  Two years ago, a part of my life started that would not end for a long time, and is in some ways still ongoing.  Two years ago, in 2014, unknowingly began what I would now call the year of hell.  I was a bystander to verbal abuse and hate. I lived in close quarters with people that I became to be afraid of, and did not speak up. I hid, and I tried to hide in ways that never really worked, but have now become habits that are hard to break.  I kept silent during the calms, for fear that a wrong word would stir up a storm from a simple disagreement.  I often took to walking to a friends house just down the road, to see if they were outside and could hang out for a while. And to my knowledge they still don't know what transpired.  It is only by the grace of God that I ...