Dream Big
Dream big, because even if your dreams might be too big for one person, that's what you have your friends for. That's what you have your family for. My dreams are larger than life most days. But that shouldn't stop me. Soon, I'll be able to clear a good amount of stuff out of my room, and get going. I plan on not holding back the moment I graduate. Dreams, here I come.
Not to say I don't chase them now, oh heavens no! I chase them the best I can with everything else right now, and true it's hard. But I'm not stopping. I can do so much, but with the help of others, I can do so much more. Look forward to this not simply being a lonely blog of a girl who doesn't know what to say, but one with a definite dream. One that I'm chasing with all of my heart. Step one, clean the room so that dreams can begin to take form. Step two, clean the mind at the same time. Step three, we'll see what we feel like doing after steps one and two.
True I expect life to happen, I expect a lot to happen, but if I can focus on the things ahead, and work my way through whatever comes my way, nothing could stop me or hold me back. There's always something to work towards, no matter how small.
I have felt the cry of desperation, and it was an unkind thing. Little did I know it was a cry that wasn't only inside me, but was heard by the one person in the entire universe would could help me. I have gone through a lot, but I have always come out on the other side, and every single time I feel like giving up, I look back. Looking back isn't the same as going back. Going back means falling back into the same place you used to be. Looking back is remembering where you came from. I look back more often than I care to some days, but when I do, I am reminded. Whether it makes me laugh at the sight of old sketch books, or discovering drawings that I don't recall doing. Or if it makes me cry, like many things have.
I hold onto only what I need, but it doesn't mean I forget the rest. To forget where I came from, would only mean that I don't recall fully what it took me to get to where I am today.
I don't want to forget, but I don't want to go back. So often some get lost in the past.
I prefer to get lost in dreams of the future.
I prefer to actually not get lost at all, but sometimes it's a tad unavoidable! But even if I do get lost, nothing should stop me from finding my way back. Even if it does mean calling for help; because be honest, sometimes you just can't do something by yourself. And calling for help, doesn't mean you're helpless, it just means you need a bit of a budge from someone on the outside of whatever the situation is. Don't underestimate the insight someone from the outside of a problem can give you, it may be the most accurate as to what is going on. But keep all points in consideration, sometimes it can be good advice or not, keep in mind who it is you are asking.
To have a dream that is too big for one person, isn't an easy task, but it's one I've managed to accomplish. Many days I feel like I'm falling under the pressures of my own mind and imagination because of all of my dreams, but I don't doubt that one day I will accomplish them.
Because I have large enough dreams to share, and if that wasn't originally a part of my dream, I would have wanted in the end to have no part of it. I would be nothing without my friends and family, either in my artistic and writing abilities, or just in who I am in my heart. I struggled for years, and I almost gave up a couple times in some places, but there was always someone who would come up to me, or shoot me a message and just say, "Hey, how are you doing?"
Depending on who they were, I may or may not have told the truth. Acquaintances are not always the easiest to talk too. But sometimes the friends you've never even met in person end up being one of the best people to talk to. Sometimes, I'll be honest, I would just say, "Okay, you?"
Other times, they'd have to catch me as I fell down in tears.
But once, somebody said, "Are you really?"
And I said, "No."
It was online, and I'm sorry to whoever it was, but I can't recall much of what happened or what all was said. But it was a major breakthrough point for whatever it was I was going through, and for me in my heart, to simply admit I was not alright. A couple times I've been caught in that corner of saying, "alright," only to have someone repeat this question. "Are you okay?"
One time, it was a simple, "How're you doing?" I had to sit down. I recall that moment so vividly. I was smiling, on the outside at least. A friend came up to me as I was standing a ways away from the rest of the group, and all she asked was that question. I felt my entire facade crash into a million pieces. That whole day, that whole weekend, I had been feeling crushed and alone. I tried, I tried so hard to keep that mask on, but it just fell to pieces right before I could do anything about it. I was smiling, then my vision got blurry, and I felt myself begin to sob. She was patient, she sat with me and waited, till I could talk and just let it out, the things that had been causing me to fall apart. And she prayed for me, and that day, it was a day of knowing that I do have true friends, the ones who listen and pray for me, and know that sometimes I'm a complete mess.
I hate to think sometimes that it could have been so dire a situation to me that I felt like I had no friends, but that was only part of a lie that had crept into me. And steadily, gradually. Every. Single. Day. I have been proven wrong about that one single lie. I am never alone. I am not without friends. I am not unloved. No.
I am with others. I have friends. I am loved. Yes. I can make it through this. Some days, I truly wonder what has kept me up this whole time, and so often, I just have to look around me to get the answer.
Not to say I don't chase them now, oh heavens no! I chase them the best I can with everything else right now, and true it's hard. But I'm not stopping. I can do so much, but with the help of others, I can do so much more. Look forward to this not simply being a lonely blog of a girl who doesn't know what to say, but one with a definite dream. One that I'm chasing with all of my heart. Step one, clean the room so that dreams can begin to take form. Step two, clean the mind at the same time. Step three, we'll see what we feel like doing after steps one and two.
True I expect life to happen, I expect a lot to happen, but if I can focus on the things ahead, and work my way through whatever comes my way, nothing could stop me or hold me back. There's always something to work towards, no matter how small.
I have felt the cry of desperation, and it was an unkind thing. Little did I know it was a cry that wasn't only inside me, but was heard by the one person in the entire universe would could help me. I have gone through a lot, but I have always come out on the other side, and every single time I feel like giving up, I look back. Looking back isn't the same as going back. Going back means falling back into the same place you used to be. Looking back is remembering where you came from. I look back more often than I care to some days, but when I do, I am reminded. Whether it makes me laugh at the sight of old sketch books, or discovering drawings that I don't recall doing. Or if it makes me cry, like many things have.
I hold onto only what I need, but it doesn't mean I forget the rest. To forget where I came from, would only mean that I don't recall fully what it took me to get to where I am today.
I don't want to forget, but I don't want to go back. So often some get lost in the past.
I prefer to get lost in dreams of the future.
I prefer to actually not get lost at all, but sometimes it's a tad unavoidable! But even if I do get lost, nothing should stop me from finding my way back. Even if it does mean calling for help; because be honest, sometimes you just can't do something by yourself. And calling for help, doesn't mean you're helpless, it just means you need a bit of a budge from someone on the outside of whatever the situation is. Don't underestimate the insight someone from the outside of a problem can give you, it may be the most accurate as to what is going on. But keep all points in consideration, sometimes it can be good advice or not, keep in mind who it is you are asking.
To have a dream that is too big for one person, isn't an easy task, but it's one I've managed to accomplish. Many days I feel like I'm falling under the pressures of my own mind and imagination because of all of my dreams, but I don't doubt that one day I will accomplish them.
Because I have large enough dreams to share, and if that wasn't originally a part of my dream, I would have wanted in the end to have no part of it. I would be nothing without my friends and family, either in my artistic and writing abilities, or just in who I am in my heart. I struggled for years, and I almost gave up a couple times in some places, but there was always someone who would come up to me, or shoot me a message and just say, "Hey, how are you doing?"
Depending on who they were, I may or may not have told the truth. Acquaintances are not always the easiest to talk too. But sometimes the friends you've never even met in person end up being one of the best people to talk to. Sometimes, I'll be honest, I would just say, "Okay, you?"
Other times, they'd have to catch me as I fell down in tears.
But once, somebody said, "Are you really?"
And I said, "No."
It was online, and I'm sorry to whoever it was, but I can't recall much of what happened or what all was said. But it was a major breakthrough point for whatever it was I was going through, and for me in my heart, to simply admit I was not alright. A couple times I've been caught in that corner of saying, "alright," only to have someone repeat this question. "Are you okay?"
One time, it was a simple, "How're you doing?" I had to sit down. I recall that moment so vividly. I was smiling, on the outside at least. A friend came up to me as I was standing a ways away from the rest of the group, and all she asked was that question. I felt my entire facade crash into a million pieces. That whole day, that whole weekend, I had been feeling crushed and alone. I tried, I tried so hard to keep that mask on, but it just fell to pieces right before I could do anything about it. I was smiling, then my vision got blurry, and I felt myself begin to sob. She was patient, she sat with me and waited, till I could talk and just let it out, the things that had been causing me to fall apart. And she prayed for me, and that day, it was a day of knowing that I do have true friends, the ones who listen and pray for me, and know that sometimes I'm a complete mess.
I hate to think sometimes that it could have been so dire a situation to me that I felt like I had no friends, but that was only part of a lie that had crept into me. And steadily, gradually. Every. Single. Day. I have been proven wrong about that one single lie. I am never alone. I am not without friends. I am not unloved. No.
I am with others. I have friends. I am loved. Yes. I can make it through this. Some days, I truly wonder what has kept me up this whole time, and so often, I just have to look around me to get the answer.
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