I feel like I'm forgetting
Forgetting old friends I use to see every day
Forgetting old books I used to read
Forgetting the sights that I used to see
Forgetting everything
except for me.
I feel like in my desperate attempts to move forward, I am forgetting things in the process. Things are falling through the cracks of my mind in my feeble attempt to grapple them all once again to try and hold onto an old life of what was once me. I'm growing up, and that's not sad. No, on the contrary, I'm actually happy to be growing up. So much life has thrown at me these past two years, and some things I know for a fact from which I will never recover. I hold things dear. Though some may have said I held too much. I don't believe them. But while I'm trying to hang onto the past, I feel like I'm slipping from what I grasp of the future. But some things, some such simple lovely little things to hold and hang onto, even just a short while longer, please?
The stuffed animals with whom I played
the costumes I used to parade
the songs I listen too
the words I see
how can it all change
but still can be me?
It's like I'm wanting to change without letting go, but in the midst of all and everything. What is it that I'm so afraid of letting go? And why. What is it that I am feeling the need to leave behind and let go beyond, I can't think of anything, but when I look around me, it's almost everything. My mind has altered, my thoughts and how I think have changed. This is a result of many things, of maturity, of childhood, thinking, and feeling, seeing and believing, life and death. All having touched me these past two years. And that last one yes, is what I know will never leave me. Two years ago my heart was ripped in half, and not just in words, or in a sense. It was a literally tearing of my heart down in half, a half of my whole being. I lost something that day, and not just a family member. I lost something in me, but something else came back.
Innocence lost in that one single moment, only to be replaced by what had once been rose colored, with something far more painful and dark. Imagine a friend by your side, and then suddenly no more, only this time, you never knew why. But once you did, it only hurt all the more.
I lost a family member that day, though I can now say why, it hurts me deeply, and I know it will never leave me in that sense of what it feels like.
I don't know why I say this, but I do.
Because I just need to tell somebody.
It might as well be you...
Grief is a thing no man can understand. Those who presume to have only learned of themselves. There is no seven steps, there is no stage one and onto stage two. There are seven pieces yes, but they are never all that they are. You may go through one and two, but five will come and then there's seven, and how many more times must you feel the pang of three before six? It never ends, though it might fade a little. I almost wish sometimes it didn't, if only to feel him closer, a little.
Because... I feel like I'm forgetting him again.
Forgetting old books I used to read
Forgetting the sights that I used to see
Forgetting everything
except for me.
I feel like in my desperate attempts to move forward, I am forgetting things in the process. Things are falling through the cracks of my mind in my feeble attempt to grapple them all once again to try and hold onto an old life of what was once me. I'm growing up, and that's not sad. No, on the contrary, I'm actually happy to be growing up. So much life has thrown at me these past two years, and some things I know for a fact from which I will never recover. I hold things dear. Though some may have said I held too much. I don't believe them. But while I'm trying to hang onto the past, I feel like I'm slipping from what I grasp of the future. But some things, some such simple lovely little things to hold and hang onto, even just a short while longer, please?
The stuffed animals with whom I played
the costumes I used to parade
the songs I listen too
the words I see
how can it all change
but still can be me?
It's like I'm wanting to change without letting go, but in the midst of all and everything. What is it that I'm so afraid of letting go? And why. What is it that I am feeling the need to leave behind and let go beyond, I can't think of anything, but when I look around me, it's almost everything. My mind has altered, my thoughts and how I think have changed. This is a result of many things, of maturity, of childhood, thinking, and feeling, seeing and believing, life and death. All having touched me these past two years. And that last one yes, is what I know will never leave me. Two years ago my heart was ripped in half, and not just in words, or in a sense. It was a literally tearing of my heart down in half, a half of my whole being. I lost something that day, and not just a family member. I lost something in me, but something else came back.
Innocence lost in that one single moment, only to be replaced by what had once been rose colored, with something far more painful and dark. Imagine a friend by your side, and then suddenly no more, only this time, you never knew why. But once you did, it only hurt all the more.
I lost a family member that day, though I can now say why, it hurts me deeply, and I know it will never leave me in that sense of what it feels like.
I don't know why I say this, but I do.
Because I just need to tell somebody.
It might as well be you...
Grief is a thing no man can understand. Those who presume to have only learned of themselves. There is no seven steps, there is no stage one and onto stage two. There are seven pieces yes, but they are never all that they are. You may go through one and two, but five will come and then there's seven, and how many more times must you feel the pang of three before six? It never ends, though it might fade a little. I almost wish sometimes it didn't, if only to feel him closer, a little.
Because... I feel like I'm forgetting him again.
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