No longer

You know what's something that I don't say anymore?

"I don't like my artwork."

You know why? Because it's not true. Often times it has been said because the piece that I was drawing didn't turn out like I had originally planned. But that's okay, because it just means that I need to get better. And you can always get better. But just because something didn't turn out the way you had envisioned in your head doesn't mean that you're not a good artist. (And it's artist not drawer. A drawer is what a dresser is made of, and artist is someone who draws. Please do not make this mistake, as it tends to be rather infuriating to some... myself included.)

So why is it that so many people seem to loath their own artwork? Because it's not what they had planned when they began. Or it's not going the way they had wanted because they couldn't figure something out. I cant tell you how many times I had been there, because I lost track. But now, I am realizing. I am actually a good artist. I use watercolours mostly, and then some pen and pencil. But for the most part I paint. And even if someone doesn't like what I have painted or drawn, I don't care, because I like it and that is all that should matter. At least to me. I've looked for other people's approval in absolutely everything I do. And if that's not something that can be depressing than I don't know what is.

 Because gradually, some people don't show, or simply can't show the same enthusiasm you would expect them too. They can't. And honestly if they knew everything that went on in my head they'd probably be a bit concerned. Because I'm a girl who talks to herself, and to her characters. Because it's something that I do. And actually, I don't think I know anybody who hasn't at one time talked to themselves out loud. Because sometimes you just need to verbally hear words spoken to either confirm, or help solidate them.

 I use my siblings as soundboards, even though 90% of the time, they have 0% of knowledge of what I'm talking about. But on the rare occasions that they do know what I'm talking about, they can even give me sometimes better ideas than what I had begun with. Especially when writing guy characters, because being a girl, it's not always easy writing a guy character. And from what I'm told, the reverse is also true.

 So in the end. This is what it all means to appreciate your own works. Because you should enjoy your creations, (unless you plan on doing something completely illegal, in that case maybe not so much. But hey, if you're from Leverage than it can be fun sometimes.)

 But to enjoy your own artwork, even if others don't understand a whit of it, is something you should do. Because in the end, I make for me. And you should make for you. Pleasing people is a good thing to do, don't get me wrong. But if all you end up doing is to please others, to the point where you end up loathing the things yourself, or not deriving any pleasure whatsoever from your work.. then why are you doing it?